mage67 (mage67) wrote,

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Christmas is cancelled this year

Santa's workshop has been seized by the US government due to suspected terrorist ties.

"We should have seen this a long time ago" NSA chief Condaleeza Rice said. "He has an entire mechanism for producing anything he wants, yet only works one day a year. We had to figure he was up to no good the other 364 days of the year. We couldn't take the chance he wasn't really working for the common good"

While Santa did help in the energy crisis, the huge coal reserves he gave government officials over the years actually turned out to signify his dissatisfaction with recent administrations. "Imagine if Santa ever went nuclear" commented Attorney General John Ashcroft. "We really dodged a bullet here."

"We are dealing with a very disgruntled and sick individual." Secretary of Home Land Security Tom Ridge commented. "This is someone whose technology is so advanced, he can actually tell when people are sleeping and when they are wide awake. Anyone who can sneak into people's houses with this knowledge is a threat we have to take seriously."

"He has his own gang of foreigners that are fanatically dedicated to him." Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld stressed. "Imagine having an entire network of workers who will work without pay and only get one day a year off. We have to assume that Santa is a demagogue of unheard of proportions and ready to strike with his extremist elfin army. We can't afford to allow such a force to go unchecked."

"The innocent victims that result from the siege at the North Pole will be remembered", President Bush assured. "We will deliver aid packages in the form of toys to all the good boys and girls while Santa is properly detained. We have made special deals with Hasbro and Lego to supply these toys at special rates and air drop them in to those deserving. We feel the US government will cut Santa's costs considerably and only give toys to those who truly deserve them. This is an economic stimulus package the whole world can enjoy. To all those who would threaten the safety of America, be good for goodness sake."

See What Happens when I have free time at work? I get over-creative and goofy.
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